I’m not sure it would hurt anymore than the pain I cam currently in.
After seeing Django Unchained I told Chris I might need to adjust my pain scale. If 10 is being trampled by a horse or knee-capped or stabbed than surely any sort of pain I am feeling pales in comparison.
Tonight I am not so sure.
I feel like my hip has been kicked by a fiery horse rebelling against its rider. It burns and throbs and aches, pulsating in pain in time with my heartbeat.
The rest of my leg has been set on fire and fused with an electrical current, which sparks and crackles and snaps.
The pain is taking up all space in my mind. There is no room for another thought. I am possessed by an unrelenting demon. The demon laughs in the face of the painkiller I throw at it in order to pacify it. Oh how I long for the days of ketamine. It may have made me send loved up messages and buy random purchases online but boy did it slay pain.
Since I have barely worn the leg for four days and have done nothing to aggravate nor put any strain on my hip, this is what concerns me most. If the pain was from doing too much, this I could handle. This would make sense.
But this pain makes no sense. Like trying to make sense of a puzzle with missing pieces, I don’t know what it means and it doesn’t logically add up.
I take an endone and get a couple of hours of respite but then the demon starts up again. I wake with a jolt of pain. My leg feels like it is being wrung out like wet washing by an angry gorilla and my hip feels like it has been kicked by a an elephant.
I can feel the tears threatening to rise and spill forth and I can do little to hold them back. Like the drug addict I feared I would become I desperately call out to the nurses and beg them for more drugs. Stronger drugs.
At first they say no but I plead and wail and they relent.
I gobble those pain killers like candy.
I laugh to myself about what the nurses must think about my descriptions of the pain. A kick from a horse, cattle prod with jolts of electricity, a gorilla wringing my leg out like washing and a sumo wrestler sitting and squashing me; I’m not sure the other patients talk of their pain quite like this.
Dear hip and leg, please play nice. Enough with this pain nonsense.