She’s Not A Bitch…

The instant I wake up I am smacked with nausea and a throbbing in my head.  I feel truly awful.

I try to sit in the chair and read the paper but I can feel the nausea rising and my eyes can’t focus from the pain in my head.

I have to lie down and I can feel the waves of self-pity engulf me like a rock in high tide. The tears spring from my eyes. I feel sick, in pain, I’m tired of being in hospital, fed-up with being uncomfortable and not being able to walk.

I also discover I haven’t been paid in the last pay cycle and stress about money as I was supposed to be covered by leave till mid-January.

Mum comes and tries to cheer me up. She blow-dries my hair, takes me in the wheelchair to the café and buys me some mags.

I appreciate her efforts and apologise again and again for being flat and feeling down.

“It’s all part of it and you have been so good up until now,” she tells me.

I manage three lots of weight loading, the first day I have done the full 3 0minutes of loading and tomorrow I will go up to 10kg.

Still I feel glum and sick.

The discharge nurses comes to chat to us and says she will need to line up a community nurse to change my dressing daily once I get home.

I am horrified. This is the last thing I want. I want freedom, not waiting around for a nurse to come by. What if I want to go to a class at the gym?

I try to attempt some physio exercises and to my surprise despite how sick I have been feeling, I manage them well. It even makes me feel better.

I decide to attempt some weights.

It’s like the cloud of nausea and depression has been lifted. I feel physically better and my spirits buoyed.

I’m able to sit up and chat animatedly and I’m actually hungry for dinner.

It reminds Mum and I of a teenage drama we used to watch when I was a teenager, Gross Point, I think it was. One of the main characters is always horrible, a complete bitch really. She is always on a strict diet and when she decides to eat normally in order to gain weight for a TV role there is a line, “she wasn’t really a bitch, she was just hungry.”

“You’re not a bitch, you just hadn’t exercised,” Mum says with a laugh.

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