Phantom

I had seen the pictures. I knew it wasn’t there.

And yet, I could still feel it.

My brain refused to acknowledge it was gone.

It is a weird feeling when you know your brain is lying to you.

Prior to the first surgery I had a piece of bone or part of a knee, I’m not really sure what, at the end of my stump. It served no purpose; it was just left there when I was amputated. While it did nothing particularly useful I could twitch it and feel it twist somewhat if my leg was feeling cramped.

After the surgery I could still twitch it. The bandages were on so I couldn’t see if my leg was actually moving or not but I was sure it was as I could feel it.

Then Dr Al Muderis handed me the pictures. There was my piece of bone sitting in a metal dish.

I looked down at my stump, it didn’t move and yet I could feel it moving.

Logically I knew what was going on and yet it felt so real.

This is the closest I have ever come to experiencing phantom pain or phantom feeling. Maybe I experienced a little when I was a young kid but I don’t remember it.

I am quite lucky as for many amputees, phantom pain can be quite debilitating.

Like a prankster with a warped sense of humor, the brain can be a tricky bugger sometimes.

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