The next day I wake up and the enormity of what I am about to embark upon slams me in the chest.
During my workout at the gym I can’t help but think about how each movement is going to be different post surgery and how much more I will be able to do and how much easier it will be. And gone will be the days of me having to hold on my leg while I work out. That alone is a glorious thought.
Mum and I visit Medibank and Medicare to see how much of the operation we will be able to claim back. The result is a bleak disappointment. Only a few thousand. Again I flooded with enormous gratitude towards my parents and their refusal to do let anything stand in the way of their daughter having this operation. There was never any question about it. Their support is overwhelming.
When I say this to Mum she simply smiles and says “but of course, this is a chance for normalcy for you.”
Later that night my younger brother comes home to visit. He walks into my room looking worried. Mum had just explained everything that had happened at the appointment yesterday.
He gives me a hug and tells me if this is what I want he will support me.
His worry concerns me and later I feel my stomach sink further when I overhear my Mum talking to my uncle about the operation. She’s telling him all the heavy things the doctor said and tells him I might have to give up my job.
“She’s giving up so much for this,” I hear her say.
Once again the enormity of what I am about to do hits me. I start to feel scared. I hide myself away in my room and cry a little. I worry that the operation is not what Mum and Dad want for me.
A text from another friend I had told about the operation flashes up on my phone. She tells me how brave she thinks I am and how inspirational.
At various points throughout my life people have told me this but I have never felt like I was inspirational. I mean I don’t do anything that amazing; I simply get on with things. I still have down days sometimes but try the best I can to never let my leg hold me back.
Despite not feeling entirely as inspirational as she says her words are a nice comfort.